I was once an avid Taylor Swift fan. Primarily because of this song:
http://youtu.be/8xg3vE8Ie_E
But the name Taylor Swift now brings on much different ideas. She has crated a reputation for being a revolving door as far as boys go, and her musical career makes her a pretty brutal ex-girlfriend. I remember seeing a clip of her from the Ellen DeGeneres show where Ellen was putting up picture after picture after picture after picture of boys she had dated (to which Taylor was avidly trying to convince Ellen that one of them didn't count... Not that it wouldn't have made THAT big of a difference). Taylor finally shouted something to the effect of: "Stop it! This makes me feel like a horrible person!"
I honestly feel sorry for her. My heart breaks for her. I can relate to several of her "break-up" songs from my experience with one boy. I can't imagine going through that with as many boys as she has. Seriously, you know what kind of relationship she started off wanting from her early albums, and for that many relationships to fall short? For her heart to be broken that many times? To be that big of an expert on how to break up? People laugh at her, but I truly do hurt for her.
But yet, this is the image she has created for herself. And now, she sings songs like this:
http://youtu.be/878KE8iDrh8
I was introduced to Taylor Swift because she was a country artist. I know, I know, she's not really "country" necessarily, I'm one of those more-pop-than-country "country" fans; to the dismay of my father and older brother, I can only take so much Johnny Cash. But seriously, Taylor? What are you doing? That dress looks like something Lady Gaga would wear! And the outfit underneath? Clearly, the money has gotten to you.
But I'm not so sure that it's just the money.
There's a freedom that the innocent have that the experienced don't. The innocent are free to dream. The innocent can cling to ideas of how it's supposed to work. The innocent have a vision of how it was originally designed.
But girls passionately desire the companionship, the love, the feelings of being cherished by a boy that they are torn between trying to play it safe and recklessly going after what they want. And if they are too reckless, the more bad relationships that they endure break down more and more of that innocence and the dreams, ideas, and visions that come with it. There's suddenly fear and pain that reign them in from that innocent freedom until it's boy after boy, break up after break up, and when one ends all you have to look forward to is the next boy. Happily Ever After is suddenly beyond attainable reality. Sometimes it's gradual, sometimes it's not so much, but if a girl in today's world isn't careful, the path from innocence always leads to a downward spiral of shattered hopes and broken dreams.
Until you're choosing to take off the white dress and dance on stage in black leather and a whole lot of exposed skin singing about boys being trouble instead of laughing with joy because the boy finally earned your daddy's approval and you can go pick out a white dress to marry him in.
I hope that some day, Taylor can remember what she wanted. Until then, I'll be singing her early songs while I wait to wear a white dress on my wedding day.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
The Insanity of a Non Traditional Student
Today is the dawn of a new semester! Personally, I am avidly celebrating the end of the solitary confinement that comes with breaks in the school year and getting excited for a steady routine, consistent social life, and yes, also homework! I don't have to endure another break until... Well, summer pretty much! I'm looking forward to an entire semester of uninterrupted structure, growth, confidence, and limited alone-time with which to drive myself to complete and unenjoyable insanity. Now I get to enjoy the fun kind of insanity! You know, the kind where you watch The Hobbit in theaters five times and can quote large chunks of it before it's even out on DVD? The kind where you come home from work covered in mashed potatoes and toddler snot and declare it evidence of a successful day? The kind where you pass the time in your car by reciting the Lord of the Rings to yourself? The kind where you have conversations with your cat as though she was your child, including telling her that "we do not bite our friends"? The kind where you sit on the floor and then try to get up only to fall over because you're standing on your own hair?
Okay, maybe you can't relate to THAT kind of insanity... Ahem.
The class this semester is Intro to Poetry, including but not limited to Beat Poetry, being early Slam Poetry, for which I am incredibly pumped! My professor is a soft-speaking Frenchman with a mustache whose demeanor and participation policy suggest him to be a fellow introvert. He's careful to address and acknowledge the thoughts of every student expressed in discussion, and he has a passion for words. As an unnecessary however additional perk, there are also some guys in my class with potential to be cute, pending a preliminary ruling on their character/personality. I'm already in love with this class!
Having been finally granted residency by the University of Iowa earlier this month, I am one step closer to the day that I can take more than one class at a time, which would be wonderful as the rate at which I am currently taking classes will not let me graduate any sooner than a decade from when I started. Returning to life as a full time student isn't quite a visible future for me yet as working full time and studying full time does not a sane person make, and I am trying to avoid college debt as much as possible. But I'm a resident at least. It's a step in the right direction, and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Another "possibility" with which to speed the acquisition of my Bachelor's degree would be spending a summer studying abroad in Ireland. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it, but yet the more tricky it sounds. The program itself is about $6k (covers the program, a living situation, and a bus pass), then there's air fare, then there's text books, then there's food and spending money, then there's not working for three months, then there's bills back home, and all of this after the hassle of finding a sub-leaser or something for wherever I might be living if this ever happens (and don't talk to me about living situations, that line of thinking still scares me after last year!). The financial end of things alone makes the study-abroad idea for me impossible until 2014 at the soonest, and that's if I take out loans to do it. Not to mention the fact that if you stick me in the middle of Ireland by myself, I might take a wrong turn somewhere and never come back. Literally, I might get lost in the air port and die before I ever make it back to the states! I mean, when Bilbo went on his adventure, he got to follow thirteen dwarves who already knew where they were going. The people affiliated with the Irish Writing Program meet you at the airport in Dublin... I have to make it at least that far by myself! And then there's figuratively of course. (Bilbo: "Can you promise that I will come back?" Gandalf: "No, and if you do, you'll never be the same." Yay, fun kind of insanity!) Besides, I start getting homesick after two or three weekends in a row in Iowa City... A different continent for three months?!
But I really want to do it!
In addition to school and the probably unnecessary worrying over it, I shall be continuing the editing process of my painfully rough draft of my still untitled WIP. This is one of the less-mutilated pages:
Nothing says "progress" like several pages in a row covered in bright X's with the words: "This Entire Page is Obsolete!"
My novel kind of fell by the wayside in the aftermath of my car accident that kind of consumed my life there for a lil' bit, but about half-way through break it came back to serve as a safety line for me. I got caught up and frustrated in the dark, non-enjoyable insanity of winter break until I came to the realization that I was sitting around waiting for my life to happen. I want to be married, have kids, and write books. It's all I've ever wanted. It's STILL all I want. But that doesn't mean that I have to sit here right now going through the motions and letting life become a desert that leaves me parched of passion and excitement. I am Kaycee Lynn Pancake, I'm the ONLY Kaycee Pancake that there ever has been or ever will be! God made me who I am and put me where I am for a purpose, and that purpose wasn't to become someone else before I can start living. So, I started editing my WIP. And maybe, just maybe, this is the novel that I can send out into the world when it's done!
Regardless of the small victory over the dark insanity I experienced over break, I've been terribly torn as of late between looking at the mountain and looking at the ground at my feet. The mountain is taking forever to climb, and the ground at my feet has been looking the same lately with no evidence or promise of forward progress. I know that reaching the peak will be worth it, even if it is just to find the next mountain, but I'm trying to learn how to live the life I have right now. I've spent most of my life thus far existing and surviving just trying to make it to this or that, but what about right now? There's got to be something special, something worth while about who and where I am in this moment, and it always gets lost in the anticipation and fear concerning whatever peak I'm pursuing. What about the present? God gave me this special moment for a reason, and this semester, I'm going to try to find out what it is.
Carpe Diem.
Okay, maybe you can't relate to THAT kind of insanity... Ahem.
Having been finally granted residency by the University of Iowa earlier this month, I am one step closer to the day that I can take more than one class at a time, which would be wonderful as the rate at which I am currently taking classes will not let me graduate any sooner than a decade from when I started. Returning to life as a full time student isn't quite a visible future for me yet as working full time and studying full time does not a sane person make, and I am trying to avoid college debt as much as possible. But I'm a resident at least. It's a step in the right direction, and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Another "possibility" with which to speed the acquisition of my Bachelor's degree would be spending a summer studying abroad in Ireland. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it, but yet the more tricky it sounds. The program itself is about $6k (covers the program, a living situation, and a bus pass), then there's air fare, then there's text books, then there's food and spending money, then there's not working for three months, then there's bills back home, and all of this after the hassle of finding a sub-leaser or something for wherever I might be living if this ever happens (and don't talk to me about living situations, that line of thinking still scares me after last year!). The financial end of things alone makes the study-abroad idea for me impossible until 2014 at the soonest, and that's if I take out loans to do it. Not to mention the fact that if you stick me in the middle of Ireland by myself, I might take a wrong turn somewhere and never come back. Literally, I might get lost in the air port and die before I ever make it back to the states! I mean, when Bilbo went on his adventure, he got to follow thirteen dwarves who already knew where they were going. The people affiliated with the Irish Writing Program meet you at the airport in Dublin... I have to make it at least that far by myself! And then there's figuratively of course. (Bilbo: "Can you promise that I will come back?" Gandalf: "No, and if you do, you'll never be the same." Yay, fun kind of insanity!) Besides, I start getting homesick after two or three weekends in a row in Iowa City... A different continent for three months?!
But I really want to do it!
In addition to school and the probably unnecessary worrying over it, I shall be continuing the editing process of my painfully rough draft of my still untitled WIP. This is one of the less-mutilated pages:
My novel kind of fell by the wayside in the aftermath of my car accident that kind of consumed my life there for a lil' bit, but about half-way through break it came back to serve as a safety line for me. I got caught up and frustrated in the dark, non-enjoyable insanity of winter break until I came to the realization that I was sitting around waiting for my life to happen. I want to be married, have kids, and write books. It's all I've ever wanted. It's STILL all I want. But that doesn't mean that I have to sit here right now going through the motions and letting life become a desert that leaves me parched of passion and excitement. I am Kaycee Lynn Pancake, I'm the ONLY Kaycee Pancake that there ever has been or ever will be! God made me who I am and put me where I am for a purpose, and that purpose wasn't to become someone else before I can start living. So, I started editing my WIP. And maybe, just maybe, this is the novel that I can send out into the world when it's done!
Regardless of the small victory over the dark insanity I experienced over break, I've been terribly torn as of late between looking at the mountain and looking at the ground at my feet. The mountain is taking forever to climb, and the ground at my feet has been looking the same lately with no evidence or promise of forward progress. I know that reaching the peak will be worth it, even if it is just to find the next mountain, but I'm trying to learn how to live the life I have right now. I've spent most of my life thus far existing and surviving just trying to make it to this or that, but what about right now? There's got to be something special, something worth while about who and where I am in this moment, and it always gets lost in the anticipation and fear concerning whatever peak I'm pursuing. What about the present? God gave me this special moment for a reason, and this semester, I'm going to try to find out what it is.
Carpe Diem.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Pleased to meet you, 2013!
Another year has come and gone, as has a visit from my family! I'm always especially more aware of how quiet my place is right after the Pancakes leave it, so I shall take this moment to commemorate the old year and welcome the new one with Lord of the Rings playing in the background! (I'll be watching that a lot in the weeks to come to tide me over until The Hobbit comes out on DVD... the movie theater has been making a lot of money off of me!)
Anyway, in all seriousness...
Anyway, in all seriousness...
2012 held my first semester at the University of Iowa... Which I thoroughly enjoyed despite the challenges that came with it! It was also a great year getting to know my friends here in Iowa City, a journey that I am looking forward to continuing in 2013. I also got to watch my family grow in so many more ways than one this year as each of them have been entering new seasons of life including (but not limited to) caring for grandparents, going through high school, buying houses, and being pregnant! I seriously can't wait for the little one to arrive so I can be Crazy Aunt Kaycee!
My little brother asked each of us to list our top five memorable moments of 2012, and I'm pretty sure that my top one was pushing the EMT out of my way to go hug my Daddy the night of my car accident on I-80. Speaking of which, I had my last chiropractor appointment, so aside from the formal signing off of papers, I can officially and with painful eagerness leave all things car accident in 2012 where they belong!
My little brother asked each of us to list our top five memorable moments of 2012, and I'm pretty sure that my top one was pushing the EMT out of my way to go hug my Daddy the night of my car accident on I-80. Speaking of which, I had my last chiropractor appointment, so aside from the formal signing off of papers, I can officially and with painful eagerness leave all things car accident in 2012 where they belong!
And now, I stand on the brink of 2013. Honestly, from here, it sure does look an awful lot like 2012, which in some ways kind of saps the New Years nostalgia that I usually love oh so very much about this holiday. I'll be working in the same place, just new kiddos from time to time. More school, though probably still one class at a time. Weekend trips (hopefully NOT involving Ryder trucks on the interstate!), making friends, quiet apartment with my fur baby, most likely a move in the summer, but that part's pretty scary to think about because--as much help as this place needs--I really and truly DON'T want to move... But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Really, I'll cross every bridge when I come to it. I mean, I have thus far, right?
Maybe there will be some special boy involved somehow in 2013, but maybe there won't. There probably will be tough, lonely times like the ones that seem to enjoy visiting every time school goes on break. But there will also be fun times. There will be writing and reading, there will be laughter and tears. It's gonna be a tough year, and it's gonna drive me nuts at times.
But it'll be okay, because God and I have got this!
Maybe there will be some special boy involved somehow in 2013, but maybe there won't. There probably will be tough, lonely times like the ones that seem to enjoy visiting every time school goes on break. But there will also be fun times. There will be writing and reading, there will be laughter and tears. It's gonna be a tough year, and it's gonna drive me nuts at times.
But it'll be okay, because God and I have got this!
And who knows? Maybe twelve months from now, 2013 and I will be friends :)
Saturday, October 6, 2012
God is SOOOOOO good!
I'm trying to come up with some witty and entertaining way to start this off, but alas, I've got nothin'! I was going to post this story on Facebook, but decided that it was too long to fit in a status! For any of my readers who aren't on Facebook, I was coming home for the weekend last night and got into a car wreck. Gracie Lynn and I walked away... The car didn't.
God loves Him some Pancakes!!!
Traffic in the right lane of I-80 in Council Bluffs was backed up. I got stopped... That Ryder truck in the top picture didn't. He hit me, it looks like I spun and caught the back of his truck with my passenger door, and slammed into the gaurd rail, which pushed my trunk into my back seat. The first woman (I think) who came to my car helped me get Gracie out, we had a tough time though because the passenger door was folded in over her kennel. The kennel as well as the cat in it, miraculously, were totally fine. A couple of guys at the scene had to pull me out of the passenger window. When the police showed up, one of them asked me if my registration and such was in my glove box. My answer: "Yes... Wherever the glove box is." It was on the floor in the passenger compartment. I had glass in my teeth.
My new friends at the scene called my Dad (for a while I couldn't find my phone... or my glasses, which were on my face at impact. Still don't know where that police officer found them, but they're in one piece!), and he pretty much broke the sound barrier getting to me. Hi, Daddy! I haven't seen you in over a month, and now you get to come and get me 'cuz my car is a tin can. I love my Daddy!
I whacked my head on something or other, still not sure what, so an EMT checked me out and gave me the choice on whether or not I wanted to go to the hospital. This was before Dad got there and long before I was certain of which way was up, but I figured I was good, just uber shaky. I may have been slightly concussed, but my brain still seems to be in one functional piece! Well, it's no worse than it was before the accident anyway!
I've got lots of bruises on my legs that I'm not totally sure what exactly from, and a lump on my shin that I'm still waiting for it to turn lots of fascinating colors. I've got some cuts on my right hand, after some thought I finally realized that they're probably because I threw out my arm to catch Gracie and keep her safe in the seat when the truck hit me. And I've got a purple lip. And I'm pretty sore pretty much everywhere. But God is SOOOOO good! God is so powerfully, lovingly, mercifully good! It was crazy looking at the car after I started to chill out, it's still crazy seeing the pictures. And I walked away from that in one piece! And just because He could: even my guitar walked away in one piece! It was painfully out of tune, but totally unscathed!
Impact was around 9:30, we got home around 11:30. I calmed down enough to start hurting around 12:30, and finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep around 2. And my darned internal clock woke me up at 6:45. I am forseeing a nap in today's future! Today also holds a visit to my mom's doctor/chiropracter friend and then a trip to the impound lot so they can cut my car open and get the rest of my stuff out... like my month's worth of laundry trapped in the trunk. After that, we have to figure out what in the world I'm gonna drive back to Iowa City. And do some hard-core talking-up of the Blondie because I don't particularly want to drive ANYWHERE right now! (Of course that'll be fine, I probably just need to hurry up and get behind the wheel at some point today and I'll be okay there.)
All of this to say, thank you to everybody for your concerns and especially your prayers! I am alive and in tact and okay and praising God! Please keep praying, I'm still really sore and a little shook up. Pray for our sudden car-hunt as we scramble for transportation back to Iowa City on Sunday (unless I'm still this sore, then I might go ahead and call into work sick and go back Monday). Gracie was pretty scared too, but she spent some quality time with my dad while I was in the jet bath last night and appears to be just fine :) . Everyone else walked away from the accident too... a couple of younger guys were cut up a little and I never saw the truck driver, but I'm told that he walked away too. So please pray that God is glorified in what happened last night for as many people involved as possible.
God is SOOOOOOOO good!
God loves Him some Pancakes!!!
Traffic in the right lane of I-80 in Council Bluffs was backed up. I got stopped... That Ryder truck in the top picture didn't. He hit me, it looks like I spun and caught the back of his truck with my passenger door, and slammed into the gaurd rail, which pushed my trunk into my back seat. The first woman (I think) who came to my car helped me get Gracie out, we had a tough time though because the passenger door was folded in over her kennel. The kennel as well as the cat in it, miraculously, were totally fine. A couple of guys at the scene had to pull me out of the passenger window. When the police showed up, one of them asked me if my registration and such was in my glove box. My answer: "Yes... Wherever the glove box is." It was on the floor in the passenger compartment. I had glass in my teeth.
My new friends at the scene called my Dad (for a while I couldn't find my phone... or my glasses, which were on my face at impact. Still don't know where that police officer found them, but they're in one piece!), and he pretty much broke the sound barrier getting to me. Hi, Daddy! I haven't seen you in over a month, and now you get to come and get me 'cuz my car is a tin can. I love my Daddy!
I whacked my head on something or other, still not sure what, so an EMT checked me out and gave me the choice on whether or not I wanted to go to the hospital. This was before Dad got there and long before I was certain of which way was up, but I figured I was good, just uber shaky. I may have been slightly concussed, but my brain still seems to be in one functional piece! Well, it's no worse than it was before the accident anyway!
I've got lots of bruises on my legs that I'm not totally sure what exactly from, and a lump on my shin that I'm still waiting for it to turn lots of fascinating colors. I've got some cuts on my right hand, after some thought I finally realized that they're probably because I threw out my arm to catch Gracie and keep her safe in the seat when the truck hit me. And I've got a purple lip. And I'm pretty sore pretty much everywhere. But God is SOOOOO good! God is so powerfully, lovingly, mercifully good! It was crazy looking at the car after I started to chill out, it's still crazy seeing the pictures. And I walked away from that in one piece! And just because He could: even my guitar walked away in one piece! It was painfully out of tune, but totally unscathed!
Impact was around 9:30, we got home around 11:30. I calmed down enough to start hurting around 12:30, and finally got comfortable enough to fall asleep around 2. And my darned internal clock woke me up at 6:45. I am forseeing a nap in today's future! Today also holds a visit to my mom's doctor/chiropracter friend and then a trip to the impound lot so they can cut my car open and get the rest of my stuff out... like my month's worth of laundry trapped in the trunk. After that, we have to figure out what in the world I'm gonna drive back to Iowa City. And do some hard-core talking-up of the Blondie because I don't particularly want to drive ANYWHERE right now! (Of course that'll be fine, I probably just need to hurry up and get behind the wheel at some point today and I'll be okay there.)
All of this to say, thank you to everybody for your concerns and especially your prayers! I am alive and in tact and okay and praising God! Please keep praying, I'm still really sore and a little shook up. Pray for our sudden car-hunt as we scramble for transportation back to Iowa City on Sunday (unless I'm still this sore, then I might go ahead and call into work sick and go back Monday). Gracie was pretty scared too, but she spent some quality time with my dad while I was in the jet bath last night and appears to be just fine :) . Everyone else walked away from the accident too... a couple of younger guys were cut up a little and I never saw the truck driver, but I'm told that he walked away too. So please pray that God is glorified in what happened last night for as many people involved as possible.
God is SOOOOOOOO good!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Best "Back to School" EVER!
I went to my very first class since May 2011 on Monday. I was half an hour early and I donated SEVERAL quarters to Iowa City because I hadn't quite figured out parking and decided I'd rather be safe than sorry on my very first day of school.
I went to the Campus Christian Fellowship office after class for a kick-off-the-year pizza party (also pretty early). I walked into the room, dropped my backpack, and announced to the five or six people there: "I HAVE HOMEWORK!!!"
To which the popular reply has been: "Kaycee, you're sick!"
I've spent the past year trying to read and research things just to keep my brain working, to keep learning things. I've been creating my own studies to keep my mind engaged and remember how to be a student. It's been like a stray dog digging through the garbage for food--and hey, to the dog, half of a week-old cheeseburger is delicious!
But then I walked into lecture on Wednesday afternoon, and this woman (albeit a tad eccentric, and by all appearances not necessarily in tune with the real world outside of academia) stood at the podium, clicking through slide after slide of a power point, setting plate after plate of knowledge before this starving student. I was handed three pages of notes in less than an hour! College students have this nasty habit of packing up their bags before the professor is done talking so they can skedaddle just as fast as they can once class is over, but I was sad when the intellectual meal was over!
I walked into CCF after that class, and one of my dear friends there said, "Oh, she has that after-lecture glow!" I did. It was almost like being in love again!
It's been a pretty crazy and slightly overwhelming week, though. I spent all summer long getting barely 30 hours a week at work and wondering what in the world to do with my life, and now that school has started I'm suddenly getting 40 hours a week, we transitioned several kiddos into our room for the first time (which is always a bit of a challenge!), and now I have homework, CCF and Salt Company are kicking up for the year, I'm still working on how to fit two plasma donations into my week (keeping in mind that I can't have caffeine on plasma days!), and poor lil' miss Gracie Lynn is wondering where in the world her mommy disappears to all day every day. She wasn't speaking to me the last couple of days until I finally snuggled in for a nap with her after a CCF camping trip this morning.
People do crazy things to pursue their dreams.
During the discussion section of the class I am taking, we did introductions: what's your interest in English, what year are you, and one interesting thing about you. How in the world do I answer those questions in under five minutes? I stumbled through my answer, trying to quickly summarize my explanation of how I'm a junior but yet this is my first class in Iowa while still maintaining my dignity as a 21 year old who should be a senior now. I told my class that this was the only class I was taking this semester because I'm working full-time while I was at it, and there were a couple of muffled "wow"s around the room. I almost laughed. You don't know the half of it!
Meanwhile, as I'm acquiring a taste for cheap coffee and cramming study sessions at a short table in the school age room during lunch breaks, I'm still working on resident status. I had a tough time getting a hold of my tax returns for some reason, but finally succeeded! Now I just need to get my parents' tax returns. And a notarized statement saying that I intend to claim myself as an independent in the years to come. And a notarized statement from my parents saying they do not intend to claim me in the years to come. And "proof of employment," whatever in the world THAT'S supposed to mean. My boss suggested a pay stub, I sure hope that does it!
I'm in this for the long haul. I don't really know how long this is going to take me. I'd like to try for two classes next semester, but I'm not sure how feasible it will be both finantically-speaking as well as time-wise. Until then though, I shall enjoy with all my heart my long-awaited return to academia!
I went to the Campus Christian Fellowship office after class for a kick-off-the-year pizza party (also pretty early). I walked into the room, dropped my backpack, and announced to the five or six people there: "I HAVE HOMEWORK!!!"
To which the popular reply has been: "Kaycee, you're sick!"
I've spent the past year trying to read and research things just to keep my brain working, to keep learning things. I've been creating my own studies to keep my mind engaged and remember how to be a student. It's been like a stray dog digging through the garbage for food--and hey, to the dog, half of a week-old cheeseburger is delicious!
But then I walked into lecture on Wednesday afternoon, and this woman (albeit a tad eccentric, and by all appearances not necessarily in tune with the real world outside of academia) stood at the podium, clicking through slide after slide of a power point, setting plate after plate of knowledge before this starving student. I was handed three pages of notes in less than an hour! College students have this nasty habit of packing up their bags before the professor is done talking so they can skedaddle just as fast as they can once class is over, but I was sad when the intellectual meal was over!
I walked into CCF after that class, and one of my dear friends there said, "Oh, she has that after-lecture glow!" I did. It was almost like being in love again!
It's been a pretty crazy and slightly overwhelming week, though. I spent all summer long getting barely 30 hours a week at work and wondering what in the world to do with my life, and now that school has started I'm suddenly getting 40 hours a week, we transitioned several kiddos into our room for the first time (which is always a bit of a challenge!), and now I have homework, CCF and Salt Company are kicking up for the year, I'm still working on how to fit two plasma donations into my week (keeping in mind that I can't have caffeine on plasma days!), and poor lil' miss Gracie Lynn is wondering where in the world her mommy disappears to all day every day. She wasn't speaking to me the last couple of days until I finally snuggled in for a nap with her after a CCF camping trip this morning.
People do crazy things to pursue their dreams.
During the discussion section of the class I am taking, we did introductions: what's your interest in English, what year are you, and one interesting thing about you. How in the world do I answer those questions in under five minutes? I stumbled through my answer, trying to quickly summarize my explanation of how I'm a junior but yet this is my first class in Iowa while still maintaining my dignity as a 21 year old who should be a senior now. I told my class that this was the only class I was taking this semester because I'm working full-time while I was at it, and there were a couple of muffled "wow"s around the room. I almost laughed. You don't know the half of it!
Meanwhile, as I'm acquiring a taste for cheap coffee and cramming study sessions at a short table in the school age room during lunch breaks, I'm still working on resident status. I had a tough time getting a hold of my tax returns for some reason, but finally succeeded! Now I just need to get my parents' tax returns. And a notarized statement saying that I intend to claim myself as an independent in the years to come. And a notarized statement from my parents saying they do not intend to claim me in the years to come. And "proof of employment," whatever in the world THAT'S supposed to mean. My boss suggested a pay stub, I sure hope that does it!
I'm in this for the long haul. I don't really know how long this is going to take me. I'd like to try for two classes next semester, but I'm not sure how feasible it will be both finantically-speaking as well as time-wise. Until then though, I shall enjoy with all my heart my long-awaited return to academia!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Writing, Reading, and Cleaning
This is what I do with my summer! Of course, it took me all summer long to be okay with that.
You see, Iowa City kind of has its way of shutting down in the summer. All of the campus ministries slow down (when they aren't stopped completely), lots of people leave to spend summer at home, on mission trips, studying abroad, etc.; some people leave for good because they've graduated or it's just time to transfer. And besides, I've only been here for a year (almost). That's not quite long enough to make friends you can call up in the middle of the night and say, "Hey, let's go wander around WalMart! It'll be AWESOME!!!"
Parents pull their kids out of daycare for the summer in Iowa City because half of them work for the University, so during the summer they can stay home with their kiddos. Which means there are less hours needed from the employees. Which means I only work 30 hours a week. And then clock out and hang out with the babies and all my kids who turned 2 and moved out of my room, because they're all cute and I have nothing better to do.
So I hang out at work after I get off. I donate plasma to make some extra bank (I'm gonna need it!). I read all the YA stuff that's fun to get sucked into for days at a time. I read poetry that I didn't really have time to sit down and bask in during the year. I read Shakespeare because I want something that will take up a LOT of this empty time that I have.
And I write my painfully rough draft of my WIP. I love the story, I love the world, and I love the characters; the problem is that I've been working on it for several years, and over the course of various life events, I have been several completely different people over the course of the past several years. My main characters always have a tendency to take after all of my issues, so poor Princess Inirae has run the gamut of all of my emotional distress and faced all of my problems with me and has thus sufficiently destroyed the arc of my story. Needless to say, Nostras is in a state of chaos that must be cleaned up. My goal is to pound through a rough draft by the time I go home for Labor Day so I can go to Kinkos and print it out so I can start my editing process.
When I need to get off my butt and do something, I've been cleaning. Because this chicka is going to be starting school a week from Monday! So let's set off on the right foot and have an organized office and a clean apartment to come home to! After all, I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay here another year, bats and cockroaches and all!
I have every intention of my last week of summer being productive, and I'm looking forward to putting this summer behind me!
Quick Update: As most of you know, I applied to the University for resident status. They sent me a letter that said something to the effect of: "We got your application. Now go on another scavenger hunt and spend more hours of your life on this process, send us an even thicker envelope than you did last time, and we'll look it over and let you know what we think." Moral of the story: One step closer, but it kinda feels like two steps back. At least they didn't just say "No,"... I think...
You see, Iowa City kind of has its way of shutting down in the summer. All of the campus ministries slow down (when they aren't stopped completely), lots of people leave to spend summer at home, on mission trips, studying abroad, etc.; some people leave for good because they've graduated or it's just time to transfer. And besides, I've only been here for a year (almost). That's not quite long enough to make friends you can call up in the middle of the night and say, "Hey, let's go wander around WalMart! It'll be AWESOME!!!"
Parents pull their kids out of daycare for the summer in Iowa City because half of them work for the University, so during the summer they can stay home with their kiddos. Which means there are less hours needed from the employees. Which means I only work 30 hours a week. And then clock out and hang out with the babies and all my kids who turned 2 and moved out of my room, because they're all cute and I have nothing better to do.
So I hang out at work after I get off. I donate plasma to make some extra bank (I'm gonna need it!). I read all the YA stuff that's fun to get sucked into for days at a time. I read poetry that I didn't really have time to sit down and bask in during the year. I read Shakespeare because I want something that will take up a LOT of this empty time that I have.
And I write my painfully rough draft of my WIP. I love the story, I love the world, and I love the characters; the problem is that I've been working on it for several years, and over the course of various life events, I have been several completely different people over the course of the past several years. My main characters always have a tendency to take after all of my issues, so poor Princess Inirae has run the gamut of all of my emotional distress and faced all of my problems with me and has thus sufficiently destroyed the arc of my story. Needless to say, Nostras is in a state of chaos that must be cleaned up. My goal is to pound through a rough draft by the time I go home for Labor Day so I can go to Kinkos and print it out so I can start my editing process.
When I need to get off my butt and do something, I've been cleaning. Because this chicka is going to be starting school a week from Monday! So let's set off on the right foot and have an organized office and a clean apartment to come home to! After all, I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay here another year, bats and cockroaches and all!
I have every intention of my last week of summer being productive, and I'm looking forward to putting this summer behind me!
~ * ~
Quick Update: As most of you know, I applied to the University for resident status. They sent me a letter that said something to the effect of: "We got your application. Now go on another scavenger hunt and spend more hours of your life on this process, send us an even thicker envelope than you did last time, and we'll look it over and let you know what we think." Moral of the story: One step closer, but it kinda feels like two steps back. At least they didn't just say "No,"... I think...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Orientation: Take 2!
At the very beginning of orientation, the same lady as last year gave the same speech as last year in the same room as last year. The student guides introduced themselves the same way as last year, and when we broke off into smaller groups, they explained the same stuff as last year. I suppose there really isn't a problem with repeating the exact same orientation program every year: They don't usually have repeat customers like me. Yes, I was alone this time around instead of bringing my parents with me, but I was otherwise excited this year. This was actually going to work. I knew what I was doing. I had a list of questions written down this time: I was totally prepared to get the answers I needed, I knew what I was looking for, and I was finally going to start school!
Well, I haven't dropped either of the two classes I signed up for yet, so at least that much is going over better than last year.
My advising appointment was in the same room as last year, but with a different person. Apparently I'm missing something when I hear students talk about "my advisor," because so far every single advising experience I have had at both Metro AND Iowa have been with "an advisor," not "my advisor." "An advisor" has access to your records and can tell you what class/credit to plug into the gaps in those records, but absolutely nothing beyond that. Unfortunately, the more time passes, the less traditional of a student I become and the bigger headache these "advising appointments" trigger.
And in all reality, very few of my questions had to do with credits. Yes, she was the first person who has actually been able to explain the creative writing track to me, but when I started asking her about tuition and/or residency, we've got nothin'. She was friendly, and she wanted to be helpful, which was saying a lot given every other advising experience I've ever had, but she didn't have the answers I needed.
She gave me a phone number for the residency department along with her sympathies (she was a grad student who had already fought the resident tuition war at another university), and I was terribly impressed by the fact that a human being answered the phone! She might as well have been a computer though for all the personality and courtesy she had. Moral of her story was I have to apply for resident status, and that doesn't happen until the first few weeks in June. So we have another month of uncertainty there.
I was able to attend an Honors Program orientation session that I didn't last year. It was first thing in the morning, and was therefore encouraging. The first half of orientation is always encouraging: it's the second half that can't seem to end well. He told us about the program, what we could do with it, and most importantly: Where it is located. "Drop in and introduce yourself," he said. "It's these peoples' jobs to help you, that's what they're paid to do," he said. "They are right there for you to take advantage of," he said. And silly little me believed him.
So I did drop in, in search of some kind of access to this plethora of scholarships that allegedly exists within the Honors Program... Somewhere. This person's door was open, and the receptionist told me to go on back. This faculty member herself however seemed pretty irritated that I was bothering her at all, because she was busy "preparing for an event this evening." I asked what her office hours were, and instead of answering me she asked if I could come in between classes.
No, I work full time.
Are you off in the afternoons?
No, I don't get off until about 5:30.
Well, could you come in tomorrow or Friday?
No, I am a FULL TIME WORKER!!! So I said, "That's okay, can I just email you?"
"No, because research shows that it takes an average of about 8 emails to set up an appointment."
"Okay, can I call you on a lunch break?"
"Yes, I don't usually leave my office during lunch, so you can give me a call and we can find a time that works for you to come in."
Okay, seriously lady, I've just told you three times that I work full time, and you've already blown all three of the minutes that you'd probably give me during this appointment anyway because all of you college/university faculty people just want to shove people out of your door as fast as humanly possible anyway. And I am still no closer to scholarships than I was this morning. Or a year ago, for that matter.
If you are currently a high school student, feel free to stop reading here because I am about to burst your bubble. Regardless of what anyone tells you, college is something you have to fight for completely on your own. No one really wants to help you, ever. If anyone ever claims to want to help you, they are blatantly lying to your face. (But that's okay, because most people say that in reference to someone else, and it's easier on their conscience to lie about someone else.)
But that's fine, because you know what? God gave me a bright mind and lots of cool talents, and He's gotten me through an awful lot with just the two of us perfectly fine already. And contrary to what many people connected to this university probably believe: God is bigger than the University of Iowa and all of their departments and rude, clueless people. And once I get past all of this business with tuition and residency, there is an awesome education to be had. So bring it, University of Iowa! You may tick me off beyond belief, but you don't scare me anymore!
I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength!
Well, I haven't dropped either of the two classes I signed up for yet, so at least that much is going over better than last year.
My advising appointment was in the same room as last year, but with a different person. Apparently I'm missing something when I hear students talk about "my advisor," because so far every single advising experience I have had at both Metro AND Iowa have been with "an advisor," not "my advisor." "An advisor" has access to your records and can tell you what class/credit to plug into the gaps in those records, but absolutely nothing beyond that. Unfortunately, the more time passes, the less traditional of a student I become and the bigger headache these "advising appointments" trigger.
And in all reality, very few of my questions had to do with credits. Yes, she was the first person who has actually been able to explain the creative writing track to me, but when I started asking her about tuition and/or residency, we've got nothin'. She was friendly, and she wanted to be helpful, which was saying a lot given every other advising experience I've ever had, but she didn't have the answers I needed.
She gave me a phone number for the residency department along with her sympathies (she was a grad student who had already fought the resident tuition war at another university), and I was terribly impressed by the fact that a human being answered the phone! She might as well have been a computer though for all the personality and courtesy she had. Moral of her story was I have to apply for resident status, and that doesn't happen until the first few weeks in June. So we have another month of uncertainty there.
I was able to attend an Honors Program orientation session that I didn't last year. It was first thing in the morning, and was therefore encouraging. The first half of orientation is always encouraging: it's the second half that can't seem to end well. He told us about the program, what we could do with it, and most importantly: Where it is located. "Drop in and introduce yourself," he said. "It's these peoples' jobs to help you, that's what they're paid to do," he said. "They are right there for you to take advantage of," he said. And silly little me believed him.
So I did drop in, in search of some kind of access to this plethora of scholarships that allegedly exists within the Honors Program... Somewhere. This person's door was open, and the receptionist told me to go on back. This faculty member herself however seemed pretty irritated that I was bothering her at all, because she was busy "preparing for an event this evening." I asked what her office hours were, and instead of answering me she asked if I could come in between classes.
No, I work full time.
Are you off in the afternoons?
No, I don't get off until about 5:30.
Well, could you come in tomorrow or Friday?
No, I am a FULL TIME WORKER!!! So I said, "That's okay, can I just email you?"
"No, because research shows that it takes an average of about 8 emails to set up an appointment."
"Okay, can I call you on a lunch break?"
"Yes, I don't usually leave my office during lunch, so you can give me a call and we can find a time that works for you to come in."
Okay, seriously lady, I've just told you three times that I work full time, and you've already blown all three of the minutes that you'd probably give me during this appointment anyway because all of you college/university faculty people just want to shove people out of your door as fast as humanly possible anyway. And I am still no closer to scholarships than I was this morning. Or a year ago, for that matter.
If you are currently a high school student, feel free to stop reading here because I am about to burst your bubble. Regardless of what anyone tells you, college is something you have to fight for completely on your own. No one really wants to help you, ever. If anyone ever claims to want to help you, they are blatantly lying to your face. (But that's okay, because most people say that in reference to someone else, and it's easier on their conscience to lie about someone else.)
But that's fine, because you know what? God gave me a bright mind and lots of cool talents, and He's gotten me through an awful lot with just the two of us perfectly fine already. And contrary to what many people connected to this university probably believe: God is bigger than the University of Iowa and all of their departments and rude, clueless people. And once I get past all of this business with tuition and residency, there is an awesome education to be had. So bring it, University of Iowa! You may tick me off beyond belief, but you don't scare me anymore!
I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength!
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