So there's this blog post making its way all over Facebook Land. It falls under the "Angsty Twenty-Something Single" genre and argues against getting married young. Among other things, it accuses young couples of cowardice concerning facing the world without hiding behind a significant other, and then suggests that it's a far better idea to go "experience" the world, "explore religions," and not only date casually but also explore all the bases, if you know what I mean.
I'm a pro at this Angsty Twenty-Something Single stuff. I know, I know, you're absolutely shocked, right? So I clicked on the link that I assumed would give me either 23 distractions to help me deal with being single or 23 things to make a really adventurous bucket list (since mine consists largely of "get married and have kids" and I'm still waiting on that crucial first step of having a boyfriend in order to arrive at that end, my bucket list could use a bit of inspiration these days).
Instead, I get things like number 3: "Make out with a stranger." Number 8: "Explore a new religion." Number 11: "Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face." 15: "Disappoint your parents." 20: "Hang out naked in front of a window." 22: "Be selfish."
Maybe I should've known that this wouldn't be my cup of tea when item number 10 was "cut your hair."
Basically, my fellow Angsty Twenty-Something Single is disillusioned towards marriage. She makes this statement: "... the LGBTQ community isn't ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is," and I can't say I disagree with that sentiment. At the risk of giving my fellow conservatives a heart attack: the Religious Right's argument that legalizing homosexual marriage defaces the value of marriage in a country where straight marriages only have a fifty-fifty shot smells rather hypocritical to me. Number 7 on this blogger's list is: "Get a tattoo. It's more permanent than marriage." You can't deny it, that's a pretty valid point.
But her suggested alternative to marriage for us young people is to go ahead and recklessly explore all there is to be explored about life rather than letting the morals of an obsolete generation keep us from experiencing the world.
As I continue to practice dealing with my desire for a husband and a family of my own that just doesn't seem to be in God's outline for this chapter of my life, I don't think this alternative is what my Heavenly Father has in mind for me.
Among the handful of truths sprinkled into her post, this blogger mentions that twenty-three-year-olds don't know who they are yet, and need to explore who they are before they commit to marriage, and for some of us I think that's a good point. But I'm not going to "find who I am" chasing cheap, short-term romances just for kicks and giggles. I'm not going to "find who I am" by giving the universe the middle finger and doing whatever I feel like doing (or doing what I don't really feel like doing but the world thinks I should be doing... like making out with strangers and stuff). I'm not going to "find who I am" hanging out naked in front of an open window, I'm just going to scar the residents in the next building for life. And seriously, what in the world is the value of dating two people at once just to see how long it takes to blow up in your face? I can't think of a single purpose that would serve!
I'm not going to find who I am by turning my back on God, the one thing that has been true and constant for all of my life.
I'll turn 23 in a few weeks, and I can bet that I'll still be single. I can dream to the contrary, but reality dictates that I will still be single. But rather than take the values and convictions that I've had my entire life and dump them out with the garbage, I'm going to chase the other half of the dream God's given me for my life: my writing. I'm going to work on my patience chasing after this degree, and I WILL get my Bachelor's before my little brother does (if he vanishes his junior year of college, he may be tied up in my closet pending my graduation).
I'm going to explore who I am in the eyes of my Creator, who created me to bear His image. Why in the world would I want to recklessly try to reinvent what He has redeemed and declared beautiful?
I may not like being single, and honestly I'm not totally convinced yet that I ever will like being single, but I will spend this chapter of my life continuing to love God in my own, imperfect ways, and drinking in His perfect love for me.
Everyone's path is different. Some people do get engaged before they're 23, and that's perfectly fine. (And yet it's the Christians who are always cast as the judgmental ones... I guess no one ever told that to this fellow Angsty Twenty-Something Single friend of mine.) I'm working on my own list of 23 things to do while I'm single, ranging from getting published to loving on my daycare kiddos. If you're a fellow Angsty Twenty-Something Single, try coming up with 23 things you can do while your single that glorify the Author and Protector of your faith. Trust Him with this season of your life. He can make it into something infinitely more beautiful than anything you can make on your own.
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