Changes

So the plan was to go to the University of Iowa, get an English degree from the most amazing schools for English majors in the country, meet my future husband, and live happily ever after. It was a great plan.

The best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans.

Turns out, there is no reciprocity between Iowa and Nebraska as far as tuition goes, and no mercy for the little college girl with big dreams that her parents can't afford. I was $17,600 short for the year and couldn't get a loan--yes, I was willing to go into that kind of debt for this kind of school! I came to this realization last Friday morning, and as if to confirm the impossibility of life at that moment, my car, my Ford Tauris named Arwen who has served me so faithfully for four and a half years, clicked and grinded and breathed her last that afternoon. And thus, for the first time since Kindergarden, I shall be taking a year off of school. I am devistated. I know, I'm wierd. But I'm okay with that.

But I'll be doing something else for the first time since Kindergarden: moving. With or without school, I'm still moving to Iowa, where I shall be living in an apartment for the first time in my life, out on my own for the first time in my life, and working full time for the first time in my life (eww!). However, without classes, I'll have the time to read and write on a scale that I have never been able to achieve before. (I'm working really hard to focus on the bright side right now!) And hey, after finding a new church (since I'm leaving my old one behind in Nebraska... *sob* does a church fit in the trunk of a Cavelier?), the Future Husband plan isn't totally out of the question, right?

I'm stepping into a whole new world... and no, not just because it's Iowa, but that is a pretty large factor. And I have NO CLUE what I'm doing. It's new and it's scary and it's not what I wanted, but you know what? God know's what He's doing. Even though it sure as heck doesn't look like it now. Sometimes I swear he suddenly got really busy and forgot that he was supposed to get me through college, but I know that that's not the kind of God I serve. He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. Christ came that I may have life, and have it to the fullest. And while that's tough to believe as I face full time employment and no school (since when is 40 hours a week to pay the bills "life to the fullest"?), it's something God promised me. Looking back at where I've been, it's the times that I leaned on nothing but belief in Him that I was best off. Every time I tried to trust something else, it only got me in trouble.

So God, I sure hope You know what You're doing! I trust You. Move in a way that I've never seen before!